Acceptance: What 2016 Will Hold

For the past 2 years, I have prayed around Christmas time for one word that will stand out to me for the next year. In 2014, that word was "focus" and I gained new perspective that year. In 2015, the word was "confidence" and I truly believe this past year helped build my confidence up with all of the ups & downs that hit me like a ton of bricks.

I can only say that 2015 has been a year that I want to move past. It wasn't a great year but it was most definitely a year full of eye-opening events that helped me know myself better and helped me grow. I read many of my friends' Facebook posts saying that they are glad 2015 is over as well. I'm right there with ya, peeps!

About a month ago, a word came to me. I've prayed over this word many times and there is no doubt in my mind that 2016 will be a year of growth. My word for 2016 is "Acceptance". The verse that sticks out the most to me to go with my word is Proverbs 19:20 (NIV) "Listen to advice & accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future." For those who speak truth into my life, my mentors, family, and friends, I will listen carefully & intentionally. And I thank you in advance for helping me become a better person each day. I am open to new adventures as I explore new depths.

I'm excited to see what opportunities are placed in front of me. New adventures, new knowledge, and new perspectives. But mostly, I'm excited to see what God is trying to reveal to me about His purpose for my life. My specific prayer is that the blinders will come off and that my heart will be touched...my heart and others' hearts will be moved by God's greatness.

And in the end, we will praise Him in all that we do.

Behind The Mask

I believe everyone wears a mask. Some have a few masks, others have several that change every few minutes. But my question is why wear a mask? Rejection sucks but I’d rather someone fall in love with who I really am than to hide my true self from them just to have them hate me later on in life (this goes for friendships to romantic relationships).

 

 

Our world is full of insecurities. And I believe this is why there are so many masks in our world. I have my insecurities and I hide sometimes so I’m not condoning or calling anyone out. I’m just saying I’m human like you. I get it. It’s easier to hide than to show your true self when you know you’ll be judged, hated, rejected, or frowned upon.

I want to challenge everyone to be brave and let your true self shine. Don’t hide behind the masks of sarcasm, cockiness, or whatever mask you are holding in your hands right now. If you honestly think that others will not like the true you then you probably don’t like your true self or you’re looking at the wrong kinds of friendships/relationships. Love yourself. Work on you.

Believe me, this is something that I’ve worked on for most of my life. I know that I’ve still got areas that I am improving but there is always room for improvement everywhere. The mask I tend to wear is one of a smile when I am hurting. I tend to care for others before myself and I’ve gotten lost in it many times before. But I’ve learned that to care for others, we must first care for ourselves so that we can give to others better. It wasn’t an easy lesson but if I want to be my best, I have to focus on myself and get to where I can give my best.

“Exposing your dark side doesn’t frighten me, hiding it does.”- Author Unknown

When it comes to relationships, I’ve learned a great deal about communication. Ask questions. Get clarification. Don’t hide anything from the person whom you say “I love you” to every day. This person should never see a mask on you. If you have to sneak to do it or lie to cover it up, then you shouldn’t be doing it....and this goes for dating or married. Don’t mask anything. Don’t lead people to believe something that isn’t true.

Drop your mask. Be yourself. Let others love you for who you truly are. I'd rather know the real you.

Clarity from God: Being Still, Being Obedient

Have you ever had a moment where there is no doubt it was God speaking to you? Like an "ah ha!" moment but so clear that you knew exactly what you needed to do? I had one of those recently and just today it was made crystal clear.

Let me tell you a story:
There once was a woman who wanted to fall in love, get married, have babies and live happily ever after. Well...life happened. She fell in love, got married, got her heart broken then divorced. She fell in love again a few years later, got pregnant, had a beautiful little boy, got her heart broken again. Then she met a nice guy who was crazy about her but she knew deep down that he wasn't who God had for her. Sound familiar? Then you know my story well.

The past few months have brought a new clarity to my life. I've learned some great lessons lately on leaning on God and listening to His words but the greatest lesson I've learned is to "Be Still." I had started feeling overwhelmed, rushed and not myself. I didn't want to lose the grip I had on Christ's robe as I felt like I was sinking deeper into this pit of anxiety and depression. I felt as if something were hovering over me and blinding me from God's word. As if something was playing "peek-a-boo" with my future and not letting me see the big picture. Then I heard God say "Be still. Focus on Me." It wasn't an audible voice....it was deep within my heart. As I was praying today, I felt the words "be still" come upon my heart again. Being a gal who loves Pinterest, I searched 'be still' just to find this scripture:

 

 

That was the crystal clear moment I had been waiting for. I had made a decision just a couple of weeks ago after hearing God say "Be Still. Focus on Me". I knew I was dating a man that was not who God had intended for me to be with. He was a very kind, generous man that I have nothing bad to say about. Everything had been rushed though. I didn't want to hurt him but I had to listen to God. Psalm 37:7 made it very clear to me that waiting patiently for God is not what we were doing. The uneasy feeling I was having all along was just God telling me to stop and keep my eyes on Him.

So many times in our lives we feel that we are helping God along the way by taking steps to make the desires of our hearts happen. But what we are missing is that God has your best interest at heart. We need to trust in His timing, not ours. I understand that more now than ever. When we rush things, we miss out on the blessings that He has for us. The waiting that we are doing is honoring Him. Be obedient in all that you do.

 

 

I know that God isn't done with me yet. I still have many lessons to learn and pray that my testimony may help someone one of these days. I do still desire to meet my #2 someday and make a life together honoring Christ in all that we do. Until that day comes, I will 'delight myself in the Lord' and I will keep my eyes on Christ alone.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Death of a People Pleaser

All of my life I've been a people pleaser. I wanted to make sure everyone around me was happy. I never wanted to let anyone down and never wanted to hurt anyone's feelings. I wanted to make sure that everything was perfect all the time....

But all it left me with was worry. I would worry about how to make everything right and how to be super cautious with my words. I wanted to be liked. I wanted to fit in. So...I worried. All the time. 

It is written in the Bible hundreds of times "Do not be anxious". I knew that worry was not of God yet it consumed me and broke me down. I felt drained from it many days. I felt like I was being eaten alive.

Until I decided to take a stand. I do want others to be happy but I know that I cannot do that for them. I am human, just like everyone else, and I mess up. I cannot be someone's sole reason for happiness when that "void" should be filled by Jesus. I'm going to let you down because I'm not perfect. I will hurt your feelings because I will be honest and hold anyone accountable in the most non-judgmental way that I can. And there is no perfection on earth so I'm just going to let my house be messy sometimes even when someone shows up unexpectedly (P.S. be courteous. Call before you come over. And not when you're pulling into the driveway. That's rude.) The feeling of worry/anxiety is ugly. I assume it is something that is a big deal since it is talked about a lot in the Bible.

Recently, I got back into the habit of people-pleasing and it cost me my own happiness. It spun out of control real quick. I would fake a smile and say everything was alright when deep down, I was miserable. I felt numb. I felt like I was on auto-pilot. Others were encouraging and pushing me to do something that I wasn't ready for. I went with it saying "I'll keep trying. This must be what I'm supposed to do since everyone wants me to do this". But I had to make a decision. After much prayer, I made the best decision for me and my son. I chose to listen to God instead of people. And thankfully, I've been overwhelmed with support from those who truly have my best interest at heart. Those who were seeking God with me even when I didn't know it.

When people talk, the anxiety rises. But when God talks, there is a calmness that I can't explain. I could have saved myself from all of this worry if I had just listened to God and not people throughout my life. I don't regret anything because I know these were lessons God was trying to teach me. I can be stubborn at times so some lessons are harder for me to connect with than others.

What I have learned/been reminded of so far this year:
1. People will let you down. It's your choice as to how long you stay down.
2. Forgiveness is one of the most important things people can do. Even if it takes years.
3. Don't let others push you into doing something you're not comfortable with.
4. The only One to listen to is God. If you're uncomfortable about something, bring it to him. Place it at the foot of the cross.
5. Letting go of worry makes a world of difference in life. And it shows how little faith we have in Christ.
6. God is my protector, my healer and knows what is best for me.
7. Reading my Bible daily and really focusing on the Word of God brings peace & joy to my soul. I need it to live each day.
8. Desperation should only be towards God. You should only be desperate for him.
9.  I enjoy time to myself. And I don't get enough of it so I will enjoy every moment of life.
10. When I focus on serving, I will be serving to please God, not others.

When you have a gut feeling, I believe that is the Holy Spirit trying to tell you something. From now on, I'm focusing on Christ.

Awaken Your Passion!

Yesterday, I talked to two different people about how I miss my passion. I miss getting my camera out and capturing the beauty around me. I miss getting paint out to create my own little masterpieces of what is swirling around in my mind. I miss crafts and projects!

But what made me put this on hold? What made me feel like I didn't have the time to do what I loved most? Stress. Distractions. Chaos. All of these things that Satan knew would keep me from being myself....he threw it all in front of me. From work to squeezing my wallet to unnecessary busyness....all of it was a distraction. He threw my insecurities in my face. And I believed him for a while.

It's time for a change. It's time for my passion to awaken again. It's time for my mind to be free of the distractions, stress and chaos. But it won't all be with the camera or paint. My life is a canvas...it's time to show the world the beauty God has placed in me. My passion isn't just about the camera and canvas. My passion is the people who smile and enjoy life around me. I want those around me to see the beauty around them.

How may I do that? That's still a work in progress. I'm praying about it and waiting to see what God reveals to me. But one thing is for sure: something WILL happen. I don't know when or where or how, but God has big plans. Bigger plans than I could ever imagine.

Awaken your passion! Awaken your soul! And never, ever let the chaos around you keep you from being you! Your life is a canvas....make something of it.

DIY: The Frustration for Asking for Help

Last weekend I decided that I was going to change the windshield wipers on my car. I knew it was time when the wipers started to sound awful on my windshield. Determined to do it all by myself, I made a trip to the parts store and came home feeling a bit excited about my new adventure.

It took me two different times (about 20 minutes each time) just to take the old one off of the driver's side. The instructions were not very clear as to what I should have done. Plus, it was SUPER cold outside. I text a couple of my guy friends thinking "Hey...they're guys! And they have worked on cars before! They'll know what to do!" but still determined to do it on my own when they offered to come over when they had extra time to do so. After opening the new wiper blades for the drivers side, I learned that there are a few different types of hooks and such. My car has the "J hook". (Even today I'm not sure if it's the small or large J hook but at least I know more than I did before, right?!).

After many twists and turns, I gave up. It would not click. I was irritated and the feeling of failure struck. I wanted so badly to feel like I had accomplished this task on my own. I text one of the guy friends again and told him how I was feeling about the situation. He told me not only to chill but that it is fine to ask for help sometimes. I didn't want to ask for help because I am very capable of doing this on my own. I even sent him this silly pic of myself saying "I even look the part" followed by his response of "You look cute lol"

So, feeling discouraged, I found my way back to the parts store. The men there were super awesome about my ordeal. Turns out that the book that tells me what size of wipers I needed was wrong. I had bought the wrong size. And this turned out to be a blessing in disguise....they put the correct size wipers on and it saved me $10. I can't argue with that. Next time, I'll be more prepared....

So, the lesson I learned from this is that it's okay to ask for help even when I feel defeated. I've had this lesson many times in my life. This one is just a bit more light-hearted. And I'm thankful to have friends who believe in me, encourage me, push me, and support my decisions in the end. 

I'm not a girly-girl by any means, nor am I a tomboy. But I do want to learn how to care for things I've been blessed with (i.e. car, house, mower, etc...). And sometimes, that means I have to get my hands dirty. I'm thanking God for soap and hand sanitizer though. But it also means that I need to ask for help sometimes. I know I'll learn even by watching. 

And yes, I did look cute. :)