Friday, March 1, 2013

Life After Death....

Today would have been Eric's 32nd birthday. Oh how I wish we could go out and celebrate with him. As I fell asleep last night, I felt an overwhelming sadness of missing my friend...knowing that today was his birthday. Has it really been almost five years since he died?! So much has happened in these five years and healing has been steady but it doesn't mean that I don't think about him often and that I don't miss him. Sgt. Kent Eric McCloskey....a comical, loving, give you the shirt off his back kind of man. I've never met someone like him before. He was some kind of special. I remember the first time I had met him. My heart broke for him since he had just gotten back from serving in Iraq to find that his wife was being unfaithful to him. Since I had recently gone through a divorce myself, he & I hit it off real quickly. We were able to confide in each other and build each other up through tough times. He went back to Iraq for another tour shortly after I had met him. We kept up through MySpace, email and the occasional phone call. Through those messages, I had found my best friend. Eric loved his job in the Army. In fact, he was excited about going back to war. The reason: he wanted to protect his daughters. The things that he saw over there, he wanted to keep it over there so that his daughters would be safe here. And for that, I call him a hero. Eric stayed with Chacie and I one weekend around Christmas 2007. Sadly, I didn't know that was going to be the last time that I would see his face in person. I didn't know that would be the last time I'd get to hug him. It was a weekend I'd never forget. From laughs about him picking up a hitchhiker on his way from Texas to Oklahoma to singing "Ride wit Me" in the car on our way to the bar....those memories will forever be in my mind. The last conversation I had with Eric wasn't the most pleasant. He had told me that he & his wife were trying to work things out and that she didn't want him to talk to any of his female friends anymore. Then he went on to pick at me for dating Lee (Emerson's dad) and calling him "Frankenstein" and that I could do better. In hindsight, I should have listened to him. The date was Friday, August 15, 2008....I was driving to work at 7:30am when I got a call from Chacie. She was due to have Kaylee in a few short weeks so my heart was racing thinking that she was going into labor! But when I answered the phone, Chacie wasn't excited at all. All she said was "I need you to come to my house right now." As I was driving there, I started to cry thinking "Oh, Dear God, please let Chacie & Kaylee be okay!"....not knowing the pain that would follow. When I got into the house, Chacie was sitting in the recliner, very quiet and trying to stay calm. The first words out of her mouth will forever bring tears to my eyes and pain to my heart. That was when she told me that Eric was dead. Eric had shot himself. Even as I'm typing this, the tears flow and my hands are shaky. I've tried many times to just put this behind me and not think about it but I have to face it. My best friend is gone...and I couldn't help him. There have been many times that I've yelled at myself for not calling him to check on him. But I didn't know how he was doing because he wasn't 'allowed' to talk to his friends anymore. There have been many times that I blamed her, thinking that she pulled the trigger. And honestly, I still have my doubts. I still want to believe that Eric wouldn't do that, that he was a strong, powerful man that loved his family and his friends more than anything. I still have so many questions. I am thankful to have met this man. Eric showed me what it was like to be a faithful friend. He showed me what it was like to give without anything holding me back. He showed me that even when you have a huge fear, go for it anyway. And with that, I thank him for being in my life at just the right time. Eric helped the painful wounds of my divorce heal. He helped me find a smile again. And that is what I hold onto with his memory. I wouldn't have ever had met Eric if it weren't for my roommate/best friend, Chacie. I know that Chacie loved her brother more than anything. And he talked about how much he loved his sister often. What a blessing the two of them are to me.